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- Ignore d27283
|6/14/2008 12:41:09 PM
Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
A: Walk him; pitch to the rhino.
- Ignore conyeuchua
|6/23/2008 11:12:32 PM
June 23, 2008
Brett Steenbarger's view of the Fed, the banking and housing sectors.
- Ignore conyeuchua
|7/11/2008 9:45:39 PM
"There has been some level of mismanagement by the authorities,'' said Habib-ur-Rehman, who manages the equivalent of 6.5 billion rupees in Pakistani stocks and bonds at Atlas Asset Management Ltd. in Karachi. "This may be due to their misperception that they can prevent the market from falling. Investors have to learn to bear losses as they do gains.''
We better send SEC chairman Cox to Karachi -- he'll stop the rumors and short selling pronto!
Source: The Big Picture
- Ignore johnpaulca
|7/22/2008 11:32:05 PM
NATAL CURRY CONTEST
For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is.
They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July.
It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a
Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment
and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by
the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
CHILI #2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chili tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
Wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer
When they saw the look on my face.
CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chili peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uraniums pill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone
is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the
beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is
starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the
chili peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no
longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The
contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.
Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.
I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges
asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I am definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to
wipe my ass with a snow cone ice-cream.
CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a
can of chili peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this
stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit
of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my
shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing- it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch
hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold
but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 - No Report.
- Ignore arby347
|7/28/2008 9:25:58 PM
How do you insert an image into a SF post?
- Ignore conyeuchua
|7/29/2008 12:03:47 AM
Here is the info from niko, guru, alf44, and other great people
- Ignore conyeuchua
|7/29/2008 10:40:19 PM
Merrill Management: Disregard Everything We Say
- Ignore TheRumpledOne
|7/31/2008 2:49:54 PM
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This
is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Rob is a
commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on
FM dial in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job
Needless to say, she won.
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had
a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I
first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this:
We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan,
and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I
realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of
my dilemma over
the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he,
along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my
butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my
butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
- Ignore johnpaulca
|8/4/2008 7:59:43 PM
GO AHEAD, WRAP YOUR HEADS AROUND THIS DEBATE!!!!!
A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the
students, 'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.' The
atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks
one of his new students to stand.
'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'
'Yes sir,' the student says.
'So you believe in God?'
'Is God good?'
'Sure! God's good.'
'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'
'Are you good or evil?'
'The Bible says I'm evil.'
The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a
moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over
here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would
'Yes sir, I would.'
'So you're good...!'
'I wouldn't say that.'
'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you
could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'
The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't,
does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though
he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you
answer that one?'
The student remains silent.
'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water
from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'
'Er...yes,' the student says.
'Is Satan good?'
The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'
'Then where does Satan come from?'
The student falters. 'From God' ;
'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil
in this world?'
'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'
'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created
everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according
to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'
Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality?
Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this
The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'
'So who created them?'
The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his
question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the
lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is
mesmerized. 'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you
believe in Jesus Christ, son?'
The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'
The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use
to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen
'No sir. I've never seen Him.'
'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'
'No, sir, I have not.'
'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your
Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or
God for that matter?'
'No, sir, I'm afr aid I haven't.'
'Yet you still believe in him?'
'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable
protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to
'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'
'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science
has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of
His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'
'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'
'And is there such a thing as cold?'
'Yes, son, there's cold too.'
'No sir, there isn't.'
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The
room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You
can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat,
unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't
have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero,
which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no
such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the
lowest -458 degrees.'
'Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or
transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body y or matter have or
transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat.
You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of
heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units
because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just
the absence of it.'
Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom,
sounding like a hammer.
'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'
'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitate on. 'What is night if it
'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the
absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright
light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have
nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use
to define the word.'
'In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make
darkness darker, wouldn't you?'
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This
will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'
'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to
start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'
The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can
you explain how?'
'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student
explains. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a
good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as
something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even
explain a thought.'
'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less
fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is
to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive
thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'
'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved
from a monkey?'
'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man,
yes, of course I do.'
'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'
The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes
where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.
'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and
cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you
not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a
The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the
commotion has subsided.
'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student,
let me give you an example of what I mean.'
The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who
has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into
'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt
the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one
appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of
empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have
n o brain, with all due respect, sir.'
'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your
Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his
Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I guess
you'll have to take them on faith.'
'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with
life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as
Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see
it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man.
It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world.
These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'
To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it
does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is
just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe
the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of
what happens when man does not have God's love presen t in his heart.
It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness
that comes when there is no light.'
The professor sat down.
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